Septicaemia is a satirical song written several years ago. In light of current events I have decided to post the original lyrics in verse form. The lyrics have been adapted slightly for readability, although I have made some attempts to punctuate the verses according to the original phrasing. Having only just discovered an early recording of this I have found the sung version varies slightly!
Septicaemia; a cautinary verse
Septicaemia last September
now seems simple so they say,
and arthritis might as, well be
something they’re sure to cure some day.
But with each small step,
each leap of science,
with each new drug and hi-tech appliance
comes a cost that will take your breath away.
The chaps in charge (who know best),
and who decide or not, where they invest,
say now that the NHS, is too expensive,
and suggest something radical and extensive.
So lets take a step back to the future
with every small stitch and simple suture
to find a solution sure to suit your pocket.
Lets row that boat, let’s rock it!
Give us something great!
Give us something super!
Let’s sell the whole damn lot off to Bupa.
Add hospital and hospitality;
Gourmet meals, designer saunas;
Balance sheets cutting hospital corners.
Let’s cut the crap and face fatality.
Who the hell said health should be free?
No need then to say sorry
for some poor sod stuck on a trolley.
Just end the heartache and the folly NOW!
Lets just cull that sacred cow.
It won’t matter how long you stay
as long as you, are made to pay
for every bandaid and small blue pill –
don’t even think of getting ill!
So write that cheque, and make it payable,
and you’ll be on that operating table
just as soon as funds become available.
Their waiting lists are never full!
With whatever modern medicine can discover
(and as long as your insurance can cover)
you’re sure to recover… soon.
Lets just leave the poor in the waiting room!